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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836866">forget me not</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaorujin/pseuds/kaorujin'>kaorujin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Temporary Amnesia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:20:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836866</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaorujin/pseuds/kaorujin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fucking hell.</p><p>“Fine,” she mumbles into her cup. </p><p>As excited as a puppy let off it’s leash, Cass immediately drops her innocent facade and spills, “Helena was just telling Renee and me what she would say to her targets when she killed them.”</p><p>“Oh really?” Dinah asks while making a plate for herself -- her eyebrows raise in surprise while her lips quirk into a teasing grin, “Why is that a secret?”</p><p>Harley makes some indecipherable noises before grabbing a cup and chugging its contents. She hits her chest twice before burping loudly. She tries once more, “Yeah, c’mon, tell us! Didya wish them a one way ticket to hell or sumthang?” </p><p>With a pink tint on her cheeks, Helena reluctantly mumbles it out.</p><p>Cass snickers as she grabs two slices for Renee and then two for herself. When she passes the plate back to Renee, they share a look and are obviously trying to stifle their laughter.</p><p>Helena knows she promised to stop killing but maybe two more won’t hurt so much.</p><p>“What was that?” Dinah asks.</p><p>“Do you know who I am!” Helena yells out indignantly; her face a deep red now.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Helena Bertinelli/Dinah Lance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>186</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>forget me not</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Do you know who I am?”</p><p>The room erupts in laughter as Helena yells out in rage, “You said you wouldn’t laugh!”</p><p>She stands up in outrage, ready to storm off and take out her embarrassment on an unlucky punching bag. Renee’s laughter subsides enough for her to wipe tears from her eyes with one hand while pulling Helena back down to the couch with the other. </p><p>Helena sits back down in a huff. She has half a mind to slap the beer can out of Renee’s hand but instead decides to settle for scowling and glaring at Cass who’s still rolling on the floor trying to catch her breath. </p><p>“Keep laughing, Cass, and you won’t get to ride on my motorcycle for a month,” Helena threatens which finally gets Cass to settle down enough to sit up and take a few deep breaths. “Wait, until Harley hears about this.”</p><p>“A year,” Helena growls out. </p><p>“Okay, nevermind. This stays between us. Got it.” She holds up her hand for a truce fist bump, looking at Helena expectantly.</p><p>Still scowling, Helena reluctantly taps her knuckles against Cass’ hand.</p><p>“What stays between us?” Dinah asks, holding the door open while carrying a plastic bag full of drinks in one hand. Harley clamors through the doorway while balancing what looks like four pizza boxes as well as small boxes for the sides. “Yeah, you keepin’ secrets now, Killah?”</p><p>Helena glares at Cass who just blinks up at her innocently. Renee just sips her beer in silence, keeping her gaze on the television.</p><p>“We’re family now, Helena,” Dinah says as she sets out red plastic cups and starts to pour everyone some soda. “I promise I won’t tell anyone.”</p><p>“Yeah, you can trust us!” Harley chimes in as she drops the four pizza boxes and sides onto the other end of the table. She hands outs plates to everyone else before taking a whole pizza box for herself.</p><p>Helena turns her glare onto everyone one by one. </p><p>Renee just sips her beer while watching her cop show. </p><p>Harley doesn’t even look up from where she’s stacking three slices on top of one another before cramping them into her mouth, getting sauce all over her face. </p><p>Cass still blinks at her innocently as she accepts a cup from Dinah.</p><p>And Dinah.</p><p>Fuck. Dinah just smiles at her with that easy-going smile while handing her a cup too.</p><p>She takes it, which makes Dinah smile wider, which makes her resolve break even faster. </p><p>Fucking hell.</p><p>“Fine,” she mumbles into her cup. </p><p>As excited as a puppy let off it’s leash, Cass immediately drops her innocent facade and spills, “Helena was just telling Renee and me what she would say to her targets when she killed them.”</p><p>“Oh really?” Dinah asks while making a plate for herself -- her eyebrows raise in surprise while her lips quirk into a teasing grin, “Why is that a secret?”</p><p>Harley makes some indecipherable noises before grabbing a cup and chugging its contents. She hits her chest twice before burping loudly. She tries once more, “Yeah, c’mon, tell us! Didya wish them a one way ticket to hell or sumthang?” </p><p>With a pink tint on her cheeks, Helena reluctantly mumbles it out.</p><p>Cass snickers as she grabs two slices for Renee and then two for herself. When she passes the plate back to Renee, they share a look and are obviously trying to stifle their laughter.</p><p>Helena knows she promised to stop killing but maybe two more won’t hurt so much.</p><p>“What was that?” Dinah asks.</p><p>“Do you know who I am!” Helena yells out indignantly; her face a deep red now.</p><p>Immediately, Harley spits pizza out all over as she tumbles down onto the floor. The pizza box and its content follow her but she’s preoccupied rolling around in laughter. Dinah isn’t fair much better as she shakes, trying to contain her laugh as best as she can. The other two are also laughing again.</p><p>Honestly seeing everyone laughing together kind of makes up for the embarrassment she feels. She stifles a small smile and leans back into her seat, crossing her arms and kicking one leg out petulantly.</p><p>“Fuck you guys.”</p><p>//</p><p>Helena really regrets telling them when it becomes the joke of the month. </p><p>It was nice at first having inside jokes with the others. A shared look could bring a smile to Renee’s lips. Just one word and Dinah’s swatting at her arm playfully.</p><p>But this -- this was not funny.</p><p>“I am the Knight!” Cass mocks, running around in a cheap Bat costume. It’s two weeks before Halloween and Cass had asked Dinah if she could take her costume shopping while Harley was “out of town on business”. Somehow, Helena had found herself dragged along.</p><p>“Nah, it’s more like ‘This is my town! Mine!’” Dinah laughs as she browses through whatever selections this party store has. “Hey, wanna do a couples’ costume with me this year?”</p><p>Helena blinks at her and looks around to make sure she is talking to her. They’re the only ones in the aisle with Cass having disappeared somewhere else. Before she can stutter out a reply she hears Cass exclaim, “Oh my god!” </p><p>Dinah and Helena look up to see her emerge from around the corner, clad in purple and wielding a plastic crossbow. </p><p>Both of their eyes widen: Dinah in pure glee and Helena in absolute horror. “Cass, don’t you d--”</p><p>Cass drops her voice low, “Do you know who I am?”</p><p>Dinah only has a moment to grab onto Helena effectively holding her back from murdering a child in a department store but also stopping herself from crumbling to the floor in laughter. </p><p>Helena could easily break out of her grip, but Dinah’s hand feels so soft on her bicep. </p><p>Fucking hell.</p><p>Feeling Dinah slip further, she sighs and wraps an arm around Dinah’s waist to hold her up as Dinah laughs into her shoulder. Cass grins at them knowingly and wiggles her eyebrows as she prances around them. “They call me… Huntress!” </p><p>“Cass, I’m gonna kill you,” Helena threatens, tightening her grip around Dinah when she dissolves into more laughter.</p><p>“If anyone is dying here, it’s me,” Dinah says after finally catching her breath, “Holy shit, kid. That was gold.”</p><p>Dinah wipes a tear from her eye and detaches herself from Helena, patting her shoulder in thanks. </p><p>“Can I get it?” Cass asks as she points the crossbow and closes one eye to aim.</p><p>“No," Helena deadpans.</p><p>"Yeah, I think Helena has a point, kid," Dinah agrees. "Purple's really not your color. C’mon, go find that Bat costume again. You can be Batgirl this year."</p><p>Just when Helena thinks she's finally won, Dinah speaks again, "Let me get a video before you change.”</p><p>Helena groans and rolls her eyes, while Dinah just smiles at her wickedly as she pulls her phone out.</p><p>"Do the voice, Cass!" </p><p>//</p><p>"Do you know who I am?" Dinah asks as she emerges from Helena’s bathroom. She’s in a low cut black top with black leather pants to match. Her hair is natural and voluminous tonight with her blonde highlights matching her golden hoop earrings. Overall, it’s a very 60s look and will probably be the cause of Helena’s death tonight, especially because of that bright red lipstick she has on.</p><p>Dinah dances out of the doorway exaggeratedly while snapping her fingers. She even gives a little twirl before ending up right in front of Helena. She looks up expectantly at her, batting her eyelashes. </p><p>Oh she’s supposed to answer. “Uhh, that one girl from that musical who completely changed her whole personality for some douchey guy?” </p><p>Dinah just laughs and swats at Helena playfully. “Okay, you’re not wrong. Grease did not have the best message.” Dinah swipes her hand across Helena’s shoulder -- wiping off dust or something she told her when she first started doing it -- which makes Helena’s cheeks burn. “Her name is Sandy.”</p><p>“Sandy, right,” Helena says, giving a sharp nod while trying to keep her eyes pointed at Dinah’s face and not her -- everything else. She clears her throat awkwardly. She can feel her skin heating up even from where Dinah’s kept her hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“And you’re gonna be my Danny Zuko, greaser.”</p><p>Helena blinks. “What?”</p><p>Dinah just shakes her head in amusement, but she patiently explains as always. “The main dude in Grease. You’re already in black pants and a black t-shirt.”</p><p>Helena leans back a bit to look at her daily outfit which is as exactly as Dinah described. Before Helena can protest, Dinah tugs at her hand and leads them back to the bathroom. “You promised me we’d do a couple’s costume. C’mon, we have to do your hair before Cass gets here.”</p><p>Dinah tugs Helena down so that she can wet her hair. She’s really not that much taller than Dinah, but it is a little awkward to bend her head like this. Still, she won’t move if it meant Dinah running her fingers through her hair. </p><p>“Wait, let me,” Dinah says, taking her fingers away and it takes everything in Helena to fight down a noise of protest. Dinah pushes herself up so that she’s seated on the sink. “That’s better. C’mere.”</p><p>Feeling like she’s walking to her grave, Helena takes two steps forward so that she’s in front of Dinah. She can feel Dinah’s knees bracketing her hips. She keeps her gaze steady at Dinah’s neck and offers a silent prayer that she’ll survive this.</p><p>She’s glad she gets to close her eyes when Dinah starts to apply pomade into her hair, shaping it until she’s pleased. It’s nice to be so close to Dinah like this -- fingers running through her hair diligently yet gently as Dinah hums the song that plays at the end of the movie. </p><p>“Perfect,” Dinah murmurs softly. When Helena opens her eyes, she finds Dinah looking back at her. </p><p>There’s a moment where Helena feels like her entire body is lit up when Dinah’s gaze drifts to her lips. Dinah leans a little closer and she really feels paralyzed. She can only gulp and prepare for what’s to come when Dinah turns her head at the last second and kisses Helena’s cheek instead. </p><p>She gives her other cheek a pat before pushing at Helena’s sternum so that she could jump down from the counter. </p><p>“Whoops,” Dinah says like she’s not sorry at all. She wets a tissue to wipe at the mark. </p><p>Helena can only stare in a stupor -- brain still trying to process whatever the hell happened within the last two minutes.</p><p>The doorbell rings, snapping Helena out of it.</p><p>“That must be Cass,” Dinah says simply as she steps around Helena to go answer the door -- as if nothing just happened between them. “Don’t forget your leather jacket.”</p><p>She barely makes it out the doorway before Helena tugs her by the arm and spins her around. She can hear Dinah let out a surprised “what” but she’s already cupping Dinah’s face between her hands and leaning down to close the gap between them.</p><p>The kiss only lasts a few seconds, and Dinah’s lips taste more waxy than anything; but god, Helena could be struck down right now and she’d die happy.</p><p>Dinah hums a satisfied sound before pulling back to stare up at Helena.</p><p>“Now, we can go,” she whispers as her thumbs brush gently against Dinah’s cheeks.</p><p>That gets Dinah to smile widely -- her eyes dancing with mirth as she glances from Helena’s eyes to her lips. “Since when did you get so smooth?”</p><p>“It’s the hair,” Helena says with a smirk and leaves the room to go get her jacket from the closet. </p><p>“Since when did she get so fucking funny?” she can hear Dinah ask herself in disbelief.</p><p>//</p><p>Helena's never been one to intentionally make great jokes. Sure, she'll say something here or there offhandedly, and it'll make the others laugh. Then later on she'll backtrack on what she said and figure out exactly what was funny. Maybe once a month, one of her intended jokes lands -- on a good day that is. </p><p>But she's learning how to "let loose" as Harley says. Cass has even taken it upon herself to teach Helena classic pranks and to watch stand up comedy skits together on Netflix and Youtube.</p><p>But if there's one person that can bring out her silly side, it's Dinah.</p><p>“Do you know who I am?” she whispers, lips brushing Dinah’s ear.</p><p>Even though Helena's hands are covering her eyes, she can feel Dinah smile. “Hi, baby.”</p><p>They've been dating for a few months, but the word coming out of Dinah's mouth in that fond tone still makes her ears burn up. She can't help but press a kiss to her shoulder.</p><p>Dinah wraps her fingers around Helena's hands and draws them down to press a quick kiss to them. “You know I could have broken your arm or thrown you, sneaking up on me like that."</p><p>“I know. But you heard me coming.”</p><p>She can feel more than hear Dinah chuckle as she joins Helena's hands together around her waist before turning around to wrap her own arms around Helena’s neck.</p><p>Pressing up on her toes, she finally gives Helena a proper kiss. "Lucky for you, huh."</p><p>"Yeah, lucky me," Helena murmurs softly before leaning down for another kiss.</p><p>//</p><p>As much as Dinah can bring out her silly side, she can bring out Helena’s romantic side.</p><p>If there’s one thing Franco Bertinelli managed to teach his child before his untimely death and her unlikely survival, it was romance. Candles, flowers, chocolates, and a fancy moonlit dinner overlooking a garden. </p><p>Still, it was pretty much useless because as much as Dinah likes eye-catching jewelry, she’s never been one for big, sappy gestures.</p><p>Instead, Helena has to try and learn on her own. No candles in the bedroom, but one in the kitchen. Not chocolates, but cut fruit. No fancy dinners but breakfast in bed.</p><p>Once, Helena bought her flowers and Dinah practically laughed despite trying to be nice about it. She kisses Helena’s indignantly pout away and explains, “Sorry, babe. My mom was a florist. You gotta do better than roses.”</p><p>She takes it as a challenge. She googles and takes notes on various flowers and their meaning. Then, she scouts around Gotham for flower shops. And each time, Dinah’s bright smile makes all the efforts worth it.</p><p>This time, she shows up with strings of small baby blue flowers.</p><p>Immediately, Dinah quizzes her as they’ve taken to in their game. </p><p>“Forget-me-nots. Also known as scorpion grass. State flower of Alaska. Perennial,” she rattles off robotically from where she’s laying on Dinah’s bed, lifting a finger with each fun fact.</p><p>“Okay, Google,” Dinah teases as she leans back into her pillows and winds the small flowers into her braids. “Flower meaning?” </p><p>Helena just stares in awe as Dinah methodically braids the flowers into her hair. She swallows. </p><p>“Babe?”</p><p>Instead of answering her question, Helena sits up and steals a kiss. Grinning wickedly, Dinah stops her braiding and quickly rolls them over so that she’s straddling Helena’s hips.</p><p>“Is that your answer?” Dinah whispers as she leans her forehead against Helena’s. </p><p>Helena bites her lower lip and nods. </p><p>“Smooth, Killer,” her breath tickling against Helena’s lips. “Smooth.”</p><p>“You know me,” she tries to whisper back smoothly, but her voice betrays her by cracking at the end.</p><p>“Yeah,” Dinah murmurs as she finally leans down for a kiss. “I do know you.”</p><p>//</p><p>Their gig as the Birds of Prey usually goes smoothly. Renee gets some intel from her connection at the GCPD, they stake out some abandoned warehouse, knock out a few bad guys and tie them up, and then the police come by to clean up the scene while they’re already halfway back to their headquarters.</p><p>But this time, things don't go as smoothly. This time -- it's bad. Renee’s mole got some bad info. Whoever fed the GCPD the intel was planning an ambush for the cops. Unluckily, the Birds showed up instead. </p><p>It’s easy at first. It’s only a group of about ten guys total in some warehouse on the outskirts of Gotham. An arms deal supposedly. They’re working like a well-oiled machine: Helena takes out three of them easily with her crossbow before they could even know what hit them. Then, it’s a brawl: Helena swings a guy over to Dinah who knocks him out with a roundhouse back kick to the jaw, sending him over the railing they’re on, before engaging with another guy. Renee’s taken down two on her own while Helena took on three guys by herself. </p><p>It was easy.</p><p>Too easy.</p><p>From their perch on the metal rails above, they see the crates rattle, before their doors lift up, and armed men start emerging like ants -- swarming the place. </p><p>They’re fucked.</p><p>“Dinah, don’t!” Renee warns, but it’s too late -- Dinah’s already thrown herself over the railing and landed on top of a crate below.</p><p>“Cover your ears!” she commands before taking a deep breath and letting out her Canary Cry.<br/>
Helena and Renee obediently cover their eyes as they watch the men fly back and the glass surrounding the warehouse shatter around them. </p><p>It lasts only a few seconds, but all the men have passed out from the impact of the soundwaves. </p><p>Dinah’s still standing. She’s gotten pretty good at controlling the force of the Cry since they’ve formed their little team. </p><p>“Coast is clear,” she calls out to them, smiling proudly at her work.</p><p>“Good job, Canary,” Renee praises before pulling out her phone to text her contact. Renee’s too busy looking down but Helena sees it. A green gas is emitted from the pipes lining the floor of the warehouse. </p><p>“Dinah!” she calls out but it’s too late. She sees Dinah fall limp and hit the floor. She pulls Renee away from the railing and huddles against the wall. “Hold your breath!” </p><p>They hold their breath as long as they can before standing slowly. It seems like the gas dissipated before it could reach them. They rush down as fast as they can.</p><p>When they reach Dinah, she’s still knocked out cold. Helena kneels and gently pulls Dinah into her lap. “She has a pulse.”</p><p>“Fuck, okay,” Renee sighs in relief. But before they can do much else, they hear the faint sound of sirens approaching. “Fuck, we have to get out of here.”</p><p>Helena pulls Dinah into her arms for a bridal carry, tucking Dinah safely against her body. “Okay, let’s go.”</p><p>//</p><p>Three hours.</p><p>Dinah’s been unconscious for three hours and Helena cannot stop pacing and looking at the clock. Even when Dinah used to pass out from using the Canary Cry, she’s never passed out for this long. </p><p>Thirty minutes tops but not <i> three whole fucking hours </i>.</p><p>She turns her gaze from the clock on Dinah’s wall to where Renee is reclined on the couch, napping.</p><p>“Renee,” Helena calls out as gruffly as she can, but no matter her efforts, worry seeps into her tone. </p><p>Renee wearily blinks up at her, wiping sleep from her eyes. </p><p>“Renee, it’s been three hours.” Helena says clippedly, glancing a quick look at the door to Dinah’s bedroom before darting back to Renee. Renee gives her a sleepy look, most likely taking in the tension in her neck and how tightly she’s clenching her fists. </p><p>“Okay,” Renee relents. “Let me call someone.”</p><p>//</p><p>Half an hour later, Harley arrives with Cass.</p><p>“Killah, Piggy,” Harley greets. </p><p>Helena wants to yell in frustration. This isn't time for formalities. She wants to shove them into Dinah's room and make them <i> fix </i> her.</p><p>Because Helena can't, she doesn't say.</p><p>Before it's too late, she can't even say.</p><p>Instead, she swallows her rage and grits out, "Hi, Harley. Cass."</p><p>Cass gives her a look that’s a mix between scared and concerned -- it’s exactly how Helena feels but can’t show. Harley, on the other hand, has made her way to Dinah’s kitchen counter and picked up the unlit candle there. “Ooh, the Canary got a new candle set. Hmm, I never pegged her to be a citrus kind of girl.”</p><p>In another time, Helena would have corrected her that Helena bought that candle but right now, she wants to grab Harley and throw her out of the apartment because how can she be so carefree when Dinah's still unconscious in the other room for fuck’s sake.</p><p>But before because she can get to her, Harley quickly turns serious, dropping the candle and her obnoxious grin to replace it with her rare determination and focus. "Alright, tell me everythang that's happened tonight, Dollface. I'm gonna need all the details to figure out what's wrong with our Birdie."</p><p>//</p><p>Helena remains in the living room, pacing back and forth after Harley banishes her from Dinah's bedroom -- something about her frantic energy that's ruining her doctorate concentration. </p><p>"Helena, she's going to be okay," Cass tries to comfort her, but her voice sounds so small and afraid.</p><p>She's sitting on the couch, also banned from the room so that she doesn't have to see Dinah so weak and limp. At any other time, Helena would be setting an example by being calm and reassuring, but she's feeling anything but calm nor reassured. So, she just grunts in reply, but takes a seat next to Cass -- her leg immediately starts bouncing.</p><p>She even starts to bite her nails, a bad habit from her youth pre-Sicily as she hears the assessment faintly from the bedroom. </p><p>Vitals are normal. Probably no concussion. Light bruises that will heal in days.</p><p>A green gas -- probably concocted by one of Gotham's many mad scientists that most likely sold it to the gang for the purpose of ambushing the cops tonight. Something to knock out as many of them as quickly as possible for a few hours.</p><p>"Oh, she's awake!"</p><p>Helena bolts up immediately and heads to the doorway.</p><p>Harley and Renee are standing around Dinah's bed, blocking most of Helena's view. She can hear a groan and takes a few steps into the room. She doesn’t even notice Cass enter behind her because all she can focus on is Dinah in bed rubbing at her forehead.</p><p>“Fuck me, my head hurts,” she groans and squints as her eyes adjust to the lighting. Relief washes over Helena when Dinah pushes herself up into a sitting position. </p><p>But as quickly as it comes, it fades when Dinah speaks again. “Who the fuck are all of you?”</p><p>She turns a gaze from Cass to Helena to Renee and then finally to Harley who’s closest to her. “Harley Quinn?” </p><p>The world goes from turning slowly to all too fast when Dinah grabs Harley by the collar ready to throw a fist at her face, “What is your janky ass clown doing in my bedroom?”</p><p>"Woah, woah, Canary, it’s not what you think!” Harley chokes out, putting her arms up in surrender. “Let me explain! Piggy, Killah, back me up!”</p><p>Helena can’t even move from her spot as Harley struggles to get out of Dinah’s grip. She makes eye contact with Dinah. But instead of the warmth and fondness she's so used to seeing, she sees only confusion and wariness. </p><p>She misses Renee calming Dinah down and giving her an explanation. She barely processes Harley massaging at the line on her neck while Cass hides behind Renee. She takes in Dinah’s confused and scared expression for a second before it morphs into anger. She only makes out one phrase, “I think you might’a lost ya memories."</p><p>Her ears ring as she stumbles away from the doorway -- away from one of her greatest fears she didn't even know she had.</p><p>She must look frantic as she mindless grabs her keys and helmet. Everyone must be watching her, but no one makes a move to stop her when she opens the door.</p><p>She can't help it. </p><p>She bolts.</p><p>//</p><p>She comes back the next day a little before noon. She’s still in yesterday’s clothes, and her legs still feel light from the vibrations of her motorcycle. </p><p>She drove until her gas ran out. Then she filled it up and drove straight back to Gotham. </p><p>“Feeling better?” Renee greets her from her spot on Dinah’s couch. She’s watching some cheesy cop show, but Helena can bet she wasn’t really paying attention. She knows all of their attention is in the other room behind the closed door of Dinah’s bedroom.</p><p>“No,” Helena answers honestly, feeling the anger and tension deflate into misery. She looks around the room. “Harley and Cass left?”</p><p>“Yeah, earlier this morning,” Renee confirms, looking up at Helena from her seat. Helena doesn’t make a move to walk any further into the room, shifting her weight from foot to foot from where she stood in front of the door with her helmet and keys still in her hand.</p><p>Renee’s gaze softens. “You can’t just run away when it gets hard, Helena.”</p><p>“I know,” she says, finally setting her helmet along with her keys down on the stand next to the door. She shrugs off her jacket. “I just needed some space. Some time to sort out -- everything.”</p><p>She can feel Renee still looking at her as she bends down to untie her boots. She hears the T.V. shuts off as she undoes the laces. When she straightens up to kick the boots off, Renee is standing.</p><p>“She’s awake,” Renee tells her simply as she smooths out the wrinkles in her cloth. Helena finally gets a good look at her and realizes Renee’s also in the same clothes she was in yesterday. “You should talk to her.”</p><p>“Where are you going?”</p><p>“I need breakfast and a shower,” Renee grabs her own keys off the kitchen island. </p><p>She makes her way to the door and Helena takes a few steps into the room to give Renee some space to put her shoes on. Renee’s opened the door but she’s half way out, but she pauses and turns back to Helena. “She needs you.”</p><p>Helena just nods sharply because she <i> knows </i>.</p><p>She gulps and clenches her fists. Open. Closed. Repeat. But she maintains eye contact with Renee.</p><p>She knows.</p><p>Renee gives her own nod in return and closes the door behind her.</p><p>//</p><p>Helena takes a deep breath as if to brace herself before she slowly twists the doorknob and opens the door to Dinah's room.</p><p>It's eerily quiet -- nothing like what she associates with this room. Usually, there would be music playing or Dinah would be singing or humming or <i> something </i>.</p><p>But no, it's just quiet.</p><p>"Hi," Dinah greets her politely, putting down the book she had been reading. </p><p>Helena freezes in her spot at the doorway, just taking in the sight of her girlfriend. It's only been a few days, but it feels like a lifetime to Helena. </p><p>"You just gonna stand there all day?" Dinah raises a brow. Her demeanor is both so alien and yet familiar. Their morning in the diner post defeating Sionis plays through Helena's head as she clears her throat in embarrassment. She awkwardly closes the door behind her and slowly approaches the bed, stopping at the foot of it.</p><p>"Come on, I don't bite," Dinah teases, patting her hand twice on the bed to get Helena to come closer. Her eyes crinkle, "Okay, maybe just a little."</p><p>The tease causes heat to crawl up Helena's neck because she knows. She knows all too well, but--</p><p>Dinah doesn't remember.</p><p>“Do you know who I am?” Helena whispers softly as she kneels down next to Dinah.</p><p>Dinah just smiles politely at her, but there’s no warmth in her eyes. She starts to play with the rings on her fingers.</p><p>“No,” she admits with a heaviness to her tone. Dinah closes her eyes, and her forehead wrinkles in that way that Helena knows all too well means she’s frustrated. “But you know me.”</p><p>In less heartbreaking circumstances, Helena would have let out a small smile that Dinah seems to have already accepted her condition after just one day. She’s always been so strong. Instead, she gives a sharp nod in return, which Dinah doesn't see. The shock settles over her again then, like a coldness that starts at her core before dissipating throughout her entire being. </p><p>Numb.</p><p>She feels numb.</p><p>She doesn't know when she slumped over from her kneeling position but with her back against Dinah's nightstand, she just sits there.</p><p>Eventually, the ringing in her ears gave away to soft sobs. She sits up straighter in surprise and looks up to the bed.</p><p>"Sorry," Dinah finally breaks the silence as she cries quietly. She’s wiping at her tears, but they won’t stop flowing.</p><p>Helena looks up at her and her vision is blurry. Reaching up to touch her cheek, she realizes it's wet with her own tears.</p><p>Fucking hell.</p><p>"I want to remember. It just feels like -- a block in my brain or something." Dinah smiles deprecatingly as she shakes her head as if that would fix everything. "I just can't -- I--"</p><p>"Hey," Helena finally speaks, her voice watery and rough from the tears, but she reaches up and takes Dinah's hand. </p><p>Dinah doesn't flinch like she expected. Instead, she relaxes into the touch, and the relief of it is enough to quell Helena's tears. She rubs her thumb over the soft skin.</p><p>Once.</p><p>Twice.</p><p>She just sits there holding Dinah’s hand while she cries, no longer feeling like she has to put up a front. </p><p>She waits until she hears Dinah's tears finally begin to subside before speaking again. "We'll figure this out," she reassures.</p><p>Whether it's for Dinah's sake or herself, she's not sure.</p><p>She gives Dinah’s hand a firm squeeze.</p><p>Dinah squeezes Helena's hand in return and gives her a smile. A real smile. It's not one of her beaming ones -- no, it's one of her tight lipped smiles but a dimple peaks out a little.</p><p>It's enough for now.</p><p><i> I'll figure this out. </i> Helena vows.</p><p>//</p><p>They do take her to a hospital that day when her memories don’t return. They stand by her as the doctors poke and probe, taking vials of blood and other samples, and ordering test after test. They send her home and request for her to return in a week. </p><p>A week later, they confirm what Harley said, Dinah’s vitals are normal. </p><p>“Well, we can’t seem to find anything abnormal. There’s nothing in your samples, even your brain waves are fine,” the doctor admits, tapping his pen against his clipboard. </p><p>“I’ve never seen anything like this, but I can give some recommendations to slowly exercise your memory, but don’t overexert yourself. This could be a self-preservation reaction due to trauma.” He leans in very serious, but he keeps his voice low and calm. “We don’t want to make it worse. We’d like to keep monitoring you, Miss Lance, but since your vitals are normal, we can’t hold you. We do request for you to get daily check ups.”</p><p>Helena already knows Dinah isn’t staying. She hates hospitals aftering spending all night waiting for her mother just to be told she didn’t make it.</p><p>Helena’s ready to put up a fight and get some answers from this fucker in a white coat but Renee beats her to it, “What do you mean nothing’s wrong with her? She can’t remember the past eight months!”</p><p>He just gives her an exhausted look like he wants to shrug and say, “It’s Gotham.”</p><p>Before he can give a bullshit professional spiel, Dinah gets up from her seat. “C’mon guys. Let’s just go.”</p><p>Helena quickly follows her while Renee throws another glare behind her before making her exit.</p><p>//</p><p>The week goes by with no progress. Dinah does exercises and plays “mind strengthening” games filling in letters or numbers into boxes or whatever. She can remember little bits and details, but nothing from when she was working for Sionis to the night she got hit with the green gas.</p><p>With Dinah out of commission for the time being, Renee and her agree to keep the crime fighting to a minimum. She’ll be on the field while Renee tries to research for whatever that gas was. Dinah probably suspects they aren't playing with cards at "poker night", but she turns a blind eye to it and just waves them goodbye when they awkwardly leave for the warehouse.</p><p>Their original plan lasts exactly one night after Helena gets overly aggressive with a pickpocket. Renee benches her and dons her Question mask. </p><p>It both eases and pisses her off. She hates how tense and jittery she is without punching out her excess energy, but also diving through records makes her feel more in control to actually make progress in helping Dinah. </p><p>And fuck whatever Batman says, she’s a damn good detective when she wants to be. </p><p>It takes one more week of sleepless nights together with Renee, threatening people, and even asking Batman’s colorful new sidekick for help but they finally get a lead.<br/>
//</p><p>They trace it back to Poison Ivy, Gotham's notorious ecoterrorist. There's articles of various factories and corporations that claim a "force of nature" destroyed their plants -- even accounts of a womanly figure with fiery red hair and glowing green skin. But no one's actually managed to capture a photo of Poison Ivy. </p><p>No one even knows where she could be.</p><p>"Well, <i> someone </i> might know," Renee grumbles after Helena growls in frustration and slams her fist against her desk when she reaches another dead end.</p><p>Helena looks up at her through her fallen bangs and Renee just starts to whistle as she stands up to grab her jacket and keys.</p><p>//</p><p>"Piggy! Killa!" Harley greets way too loudly as she lets them inside. "How's our Canary doing?"</p><p>"Not much better, Harley," Renee says gruffoy, taking in the mess of the place and making sure to avoid touching anything. "Where's Cass?"</p><p>"School," Harley says as she shuts the down behind them. Good, Helena thinks. Besides probably herself, Cass has been taking Dinah's accident the hardest. She won't even come see her or Renee just to avoid awkwardly talking to Dinah. Fucking hell they need to fix this. Today.

Harley beckons them to the couch, "C'mon take a seat. I don't get to play hostess often. You ladies want anything to drink?"</p><p>"Focus, Harley," Helena barks out, refusing to sit. "We need to ask you about a lead."</p><p>Harley doesn't even flinch. Instead, she seems delighted with Helena's tone and leans in a bit closer, causing Helena to take a step back for comfort.</p><p>"Alright, tall, dark, and handsome. I'm all ears," she purrs. </p><p>Her cheeks flush red to Harley's apparent delight. But before she could yell again, Renee speaks up using her outdated police lingo, "Do you know this character? Poison Ivy?" </p><p>Harley turns her attention away from Helena's arms and perks up even more. "Oh yeah, I know, Pammy! Actually, she's--"</p><p>"We didn’t tell me we were having visitors, Harley," a fiery redhead with green skin --albeit, not glowing-- steps into the room. "Are you cheating on me already?"</p><p>Harley pulls her hand off Helena's bicep like she's burnt. "No, Red! Never!"</p><p>She makes her way over to where Ivy is standing and takes her hand. “Birdies, this is my new lady, Pammy. Pammy, these are those dorky little do-gooders I was telling ya about."</p><p>“Poison Ivy, but you can call me Pamela,” she extends a hand for Renee to take. Then, Helena. </p><p>God, Helena wants to crush her hand and then some, but instead she begrudgingly shakes it. She can be threatening later.</p><p>Harley looks absolutely overjoyed at Helena and Pamela touching -- maybe a little too invested than Helena is uncomfortable with -- with hands held to her cheeks and obviously gushing over them. "Look at my two lady loves getting along!"</p><p>Helena's rage suddenly flares back up from where it was deeply buried inside her chest. Fuck it, she can be threatening now.</p><p>Helena grabs Pamela by the collar and backs her into the wall. If she wasn’t so angry, she might be unnerved by the casual way Pamela just stares coldly back at her. “You hurt Dinah. You’re gonna help her.”</p><p>“Pammy, don’t hurt Huntress!” Harley cries out, which confuses Helena because why is she worried about her when Pamela’s the one in danger?</p><p>That’s when she feels it. A prick against her finger, like a cut from a rose thorn. She crinkles her forehead in confusion and then she feels her arms go numb. In a split second, she loses her hold on Pamela and her world tilts on its axis. “What the fu--”</p><p>She feels Harley catch her, then another set of hands are supporting her weight. Renee. </p><p>“Drag her to the couch,” she hears Renee order, then her vision goes black.</p><p>//</p><p>“Huntress!” </p><p>Helena can hear someone calling her name but it’s distorted like she’s at the bottom of a swimming pool.</p><p> “Huntress!” she hears again. Then, suddenly she feels like she is drowning. </p><p>Helena sits up abruptly wiping cold water from her face and coughing.</p><p>“Jesus, don’t drown the girl, you clown,” Renee admonishes. Helena feels some pats at her back. “You good, Crossbow?”</p><p>Helena clears her throat again but nods.</p><p>“Do you know who I am?” Harley asks, holding Helena’s cheeks between her hands and leaning in so close that Helena can smell her breath. She pushes Harley away in disgust.</p><p>“Hey, sorry about that,” Pamela says and let’s Harley settle into her side after Helena’s hurtful rejection. “Defense mechanism.”</p><p>Helena glares up at her but her eyes soften when she sees the genuinity on Pamela’s face. “That’s fair. I was brash.”</p><p>“Truce?” Pamela offers and hands a glass of water to Helena. Helena takes a few sips and then sets the glass on the coffee table next to the empty one Harley presumably dumped on her face. She turns to Renee. </p><p>“Fill her in,” Renee says. “I’m gonna get a towel for this mess.”</p><p>When Renee returns, Pamela had divulged that she had purposefully set up the GCPD with bad intel to ambush them. She needed some files from the precinct that were purposefully being withheld that would indict a notoriously huge oil company in Gotham.</p><p>“So you gassed them?” Harley asked, apparently not being in the know about this either.</p><p>“Three hours is plenty of time for me to take what I needed. And the amnesia would make sure no one remembered that there was anything missing in the first place.”</p><p>Harley squeals and claps her hands, “Ain’t my lady a smart one, you guys?” </p><p>“Fucking no because her plan didn’t even work,” Renee retorts. </p><p>Pamela glares at her. “But you had to show up and fuck it up,” she snaps. “But that’s okay, because I had a back up plan.”</p><p>“Ooh, Red. How did you do it?” Harley asks, leaning in to provide her full attention.</p><p>“Look, I don’t fucking care,” Helena interrupts, “Can you help Dinah or not?”</p><p>“I’ll tell you later, babe,” Pamela promises, patting Harley on the cheek. She turns her attention to Helena. “Yeah, I can make an antidote. Give me a week at most.”</p><p>Helena’s steel gaze doesn’t ease despite Renee getting up and making her way towards the door. </p><p>“You can trust her, Killah,” Harley assures her. “I promise ya.”</p><p>With that Helena sharply nods and follows Renee out.</p><p>//</p><p>They tell Dinah the good news, but it’s more lackluster than Helena would have thought. </p><p>She knows Dinah isn’t the type to throw a celebration over it, but hell even she would have given a bit more than a shrug if she was told eight months of emptiness would be returned soon. </p><p>When Renee asks her about it because Helena sure as hell isn’t the type to do so, Dinah merely replies, “I just don’t wanna get my hopes up.” Then, she turns back to looking through her vinyls. “Hey, why the fuck did I unpack these? They’re not even mine. They’re --”</p><p>And like that a cold feeling washes over the entire room. </p><p>Right, Helena thinks. This is how Dinah was before they met. </p><p>Hopeless. </p><p>Lost. </p><p>Isolated. </p><p>Renee takes one look at Dinah, then at Helena, and honest to god, bolts. </p><p>“Whoops, I think Ellen’s calling me,” she says and Helena can literally see her pull out her phone and dial Ellen. What the fuck.</p><p>It seems like without Dinah to ground them, they’re all reverting back to their former selves. </p><p>They both watch the door shut behind Renee. </p><p>“You’re gonna awkwardly leave too?” Dinah asks while raising a brow. She gets up from her crouched position and plops herself on the couch.</p><p>She considers it for a second but realizes she has nothing out there waiting for her. No offense to herself, but she very much prefers her current self to her past self.</p><p>“Actually, do you want to go for a ride?” she asks while awkwardly bouncing on her toes, very reminiscent of the first time she’d asked Dinah that question. </p><p>For the first time in a long time, she sees that familiar, genuine smile ghost across Dinah’s lips before it quickly fades. “Fuck yeah! Let me get a jacket.”</p><p>She disappears into her bedroom for a second.</p><p>And for the first time in a long time, Helena feels like they’ve made progression. She even almost does a fist pump in victory, but stops when she sees Dinah re-emerge with a nice blue leather jacket with yellow stripes across the arms.</p><p>“You’re not gonna let me fall right?” Dinah teases as she takes Helena’s keys from the table as if she was gonna drive.</p><p>“Don’t you know who I am?” Helena scoffs, grabbing her helmet, and following DInah out.</p><p>When Dinah turns around to toss her back her keys like she always does, Helena sees it again -- that familiar, genuine smile -- and she returns one of her own in what felt like years.</p><p>//</p><p>It’s been four days since Renee and Helena went to visit Harley and her girlfriend. Helena knows it’s four because she’s been counting.</p><p>She’s spent all four days waiting for Harley to call and Dinah’s spent all four days trying to distract her. </p><p>After their ride together, Dinah’s been texting Helena to hang out every day, claiming that she’s sick and tired of being in her apartment alone all day. </p><p>Helena takes her to their favorite spots at Dinah’s requests (because Dinah’s favorite spots quickly became their favorite spots). She lets Dinah show her all her favorite pieces in the art museum all over again and listens as Dinah retells all of her memories about visiting with her mom as if it’s the first time. She lets Dinah win the first round of pool before sweeping her under the table the next five rounds. Then, she gets her ass beat at kickboxing the next night. </p><p>It feels like before. Like Dinah remembers. And God, she misses this. </p><p>Today, they’re eating dinner at the group’s favorite taqueria when Dinah pops a seemingly innocent question.</p><p>“You have a girlfriend, don’t you?” </p><p>“What?” Helena practically yells before sheepishly lowering her voice and grabbing napkins to wipe up the agua fresca she split. </p><p>“You kidding me,” Dinah laughs as she points to a spot Helena missed. “Look at you. You can’t tell me you’re single.”</p><p>Helena really wishes she wasn’t here right now. She suddenly remembers why she hasn’t spent too much alone time with Dinah since everything went to shit. But Renee has already sat her down and explained to her what to say for Dinah’s sake -- not to further confuse her or worsen her guilt. And Helena knew from the start, so she agreed without a fight.</p><p>“I, umm,” Helena settles on. “We’re on a break. I guess?”</p><p>“You asking or telling me?” Dinah teases, taking an obnoxious sip from her near empty margarita.</p><p>Helena stares at her a bit and watches her throat bob as she swallows. She licks her lips and diverts her gaze before saying definitively, “Telling.”</p><p>“Shame,” Dinah mutters, more towards herself than to Helena. “If only you were <i> single </i> single. She must be one lucky girl.”</p><p>“No,” Helena instantly refutes, “I’m the lucky one.”</p><p>She thinks Dinah’s going to make a joke, maybe even flirt with her anyways; but Dinah’s eyes soften into a look she can’t quite decipher. As quick as it was there, it was gone as Dinah finishes her drink and slams the empty cup onto the table. She grabs her keys from the table and makes her way out, already knowing Helena’s going to come take the keys from her.</p><p>Helena breaks out of her stupor and quickly gathers all their items to trash them. She hastily exits the restaurant just to have the keys thrown at her face. </p><p>//</p><p>When Helena arrives back at Dinah’s apartment with groceries, she notices there’s company. </p><p>Harley, Pamela, Cass, and Renee are all hovering over where Dinah’s seated on the couch. At the sound of the door closing, everyone looks up at her. </p><p>She makes eye contact going from Renee to Cass, skipping Dinah, to Harley and finally, she looks to Pamela and gets a nod. She gives one in return. </p><p>She still can’t look at Dinah.</p><p>Harley’s the first to speak, and she surprises the room by ushering Cass and Pamela out the door. “Let’s leave the two lovebirds alone, you guys.”</p><p>Cass steals one last hug from Dinah before racing to catch up to Pamela. Harley pauses and taps her foot at the doorway with a pointed look at Renee.</p><p>Rolling her eyes, Renee slides on her sunglasses and shrugs on her jacket. “We’ll catch up later, Canary,” Renee says and gives a nod to Helena in greeting. She grabs Harley by the collar and drags her out.</p><p>“I’ll come visit!” Cass promises from down the hall. Helena can hear Harley revert back to normal, well Harley’s normal, as she starts planning a girls’ night involving man-eating sharks and Indian food. </p><p>She shuts the door as they round the stairs, and then it’s just the two of them alone. </p><p>“Dinah,” Helena says simply, feet still planted by the door.</p><p>“Ask me,” Dinah says simply, as she makes her way off the couch and towards Helena.</p><p>“Di-”</p><p>“I’m serious,” Dinah’s way too close and she’s taking the bags from Helena’s hand and leaving them on the floor against the wall, “Ask me.”</p><p>“Okay,” Helena sighs and closes her eyes as if to brace herself from impact. She ends up whispering it, “Do you know who I am?”</p><p>“My girlfriend, Helena,” she says simply as if those three words didn’t singlehandedly alleviate all the pain in Helena’s chest that’s been plaguing her for weeks.</p><p>“You remember?” she asks softly, her voice slightly cracking from the overwhelming emotions she’s feeling. She’s wide-eyed and gazing down at Dinah like she’s not real.</p><p>“I remember,” Dinah nods, tears forming in her eyes. She reaches up to cradle Helena’s cheeks in her hands. "I love you. I remember." </p><p>Helena’s slack jawed as she stands there unmoving.</p><p>"Oh, have we not --" Dinah scrunches her nose up and Helena can tell she’s doubting if Pamela’s antidote has worked after all. Quickly, Helena reaches out to hold Dinah’s hips and rub at the inch of skin peaking out as if to rub any doubts away.</p><p>"I love you too," Helena says quietly. Easily. "I love you too."</p><p>She leans in for a kiss, but Dinah leans away in the last second, so her lips land on her cheek instead. “You’re going to let the groceries spoil, Helena.”</p><p>Helena, honest to god, growls in frustration, quickly picking up the bags where Dinah left them and stalking her way into the kitchen, stocking up the fridge as quickly as possible. </p><p>“You know,” Dinah calls out from where she’s leaning against the counter while watching Helena toss things into the fridge. “I had pictures of us on my phone. Sweet of you to try though.”</p><p>Helena turns out with a stalk of celery in her hand and just stares at Dinah’s wide smile before cursing out. “Fucking Renee. A whole ass PI and she missed that.”</p><p>Dinah takes the celery from Helena, slams it into a random drawer, and closes the fridge door. Before she can blink, Helena finds herself pushed up against the fridge. Dinah is trapping her and leaning up on her toes because, of course, it’s going to be on her terms. Helena lets herself pout indignantly and squeezes her arms between their bodies to cross them. Dinah just laughs and pries her arms back down, interlocking their fingers together. </p><p>“Let me make it up to you,” she whispers before capturing Helena’s lips with her own.</p><p>And God, Helena thinks as she whimpers into the kiss, she’s really missed this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>These things keep starting as a "haha what if" then they end up being like 5k+. Help me. </p><p>Also, forget-me-nots mean "faithful love and memories" according to google.</p><p>I hope y'all enjoyed!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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